In a synergistic pairing for the ages, a beverage masquerading as beer has appointed a man masquerading as a woman as its brand ambassador.
“For eons, we’ve been bottling carbonated dishwater and marketing it as beer,” chuckled Anheuser-Busch CEO Brendan Whitworth. “Who better to champion our brand than a dude donning a dress and claiming womanhood?”
Bud Light, the go-to libation for folks who detest genuine beer, believes plastering Dylan Mulvaney’s visage on their cans will also attract those who abhor authentic women. “As a man embodying the most outrageously exaggerated caricatures of women, Mulvaney resonates with people who loathe the real deal,” explained Mr. Whitworth. “As a corporation devoted to satisfying the thirst of those who despise bona fide beer, the collaboration was a no-brainer. The revamped beer can practically screams, ‘Gather ’round and relish this heinous imitation of the genuine article!’”
Although a handful of media pundits questioned the strategy, Bud Light enthusiasts have thus far embraced sipping from a can adorned with the face of a guy harboring a little girl obsession. “It really ties the whole experience together,” gushed Bud Light aficionado Mason Olsen. “If that dude and his colossal jaw can feign being a little girl – well, I can pretend this swill is actual beer. It’s downright motivational.”
As of press time, activists had returned to lobbying for America to cease rendering trans people invisible.
Across the nation, Bud Light fans have been organizing cosplay events to celebrate the new cans. “I’ve always wanted to dress up as a man pretending to be a woman pretending to be a unicorn,” said avid Bud Light drinker Jenny Thompson. “Now, with Dylan Mulvaney’s face on my beer, I feel like I’ve truly found my tribe.”
Even celebrities have chimed in on the unconventional partnership. “You know, I’ve always thought of myself as a method actor,” mused Ryan Reynolds. “But when I see a guy dressing up as a woman and convincing people to drink Bud Light, I realize I’ve got nothing on him.”
Bud Light plans to roll out a limited edition line of cans featuring Mulvaney in various outlandish outfits, from a flamboyant flamingo to a burly lumberjack. “We’re confident this will resonate with our target audience of people who appreciate tasteless beer and questionable fashion choices,” boasted CEO Brendan Whitworth.
Amidst the hype, whispers of a new reality TV show, “Beer Goggles: The Mulvaney Chronicles,” have surfaced, promising to give viewers a behind-the-scenes look at the life of the man who singlehandedly turned Bud Light into a cultural phenomenon. And as the nation eagerly anticipates the show’s premiere, one thing is for certain: Bud Light and Dylan Mulvaney have tapped into a new, uncharted level of absurdity.
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